Your Match.com Profile of the Day

well this is my first time doing this [VIRGIN ALERT! VIRGIN ALERT!] so i hope i do this right [um, yeah, good luck with that] well i am hopping [on one foot? up and down?] to find an honest caring girl [aren't girls under 18? perv] somebody that wants to do thing toghther who like sports and go to games sometimes and also like nascar like all types of music country, rock, oldeies [wha?], easy listing irish music [like easy listing on Craig's list? Or is the Irish music easy listening?] and so on excpet for rap and heavy meatall [what's wrong with meat?] i like the METS ISLANDERS JETS [this would be why I can't route for these teams] dosn't bother me what team you like [but it bothers me that you can't flipping spell] i like to shop [seriously? Shop? Like at cute little boutiques in Soho? Please.] travel cook sit around [wow! hey, guys, look, someone who will sit around with me! Thank God because all those other guys who have real lives and activities bore me! Do you think he has a special chair in which he does all this sitting around in?] and wacth tv or a movie [wow. unique. original] like to hang out with my brothers and play cards like to try things [what kinds of things are you trying with your brothers? Creepy!] i belong to the fre department [the free department? Like in a yard sale when, on Sunday afternoon, you give up, stick a free sign on your s*&% and leave it outside?] and during the summer i race to [do you race to the couch so you can sit around, play cards, and "try things" with your brothers?] don't really like te bar or the clubs but i would go if we go in a group [oh, here we go, has to be attended, can't fly solo] i am hoping to find someone were we could talk to each other [where we could talk to each other?] and say thing to each other [correct me if I am wrong, but if you are talking to each other, don't you say stuff to each other?] and to help each other out on what every is bothering each other who will listen [no one is listening dude. No one. Because you have no idea how to construct a coherent thought!]

A HELL Date contribution from my friend!

Please note no one was harmed during this story, except for my friend's ego and the several hours that she had to waste.

Last night I went on a date to a mets game. Now I am a Met Lover and even though it was a Monday night, and I hate Monday night dates, I thought what the hell. The guy said we would be seated in the promenade. I did not realize that “promenade” is just a nice word for the upper upper deck. Sorry to seem like a snob but the mezzanine would have been nice…. Anyhoo, convo is flowing and all is good til about the 3rd inning, when he starts telling me the story about how his ex called him recently and gave him some “disturbing” news. When I asked WHAT!? He said he could not say bc it was embarassing, and just that she had left him a “Parting Gift”. I could only imagine what that parting gift could be!! It was the longest worst game ever and the Mets are getting killed. The boy insists on staying until the 9th inning. C’mon it was like 10-2 and the mets had scattered maybe 3 hits and remember its Monday. So we FINALLY leave and we couldn’t find his car after the game. Ugh. We finally find it and I realize the reason we could not find it all this time is because it looks like this little sh1tbox attached and it was too small to see between the other cars. I then thought I was going to live my final moments on the BQE as he was doing about 90 in this piece of crap. Sigh.

Yesterday's fodder

Yesterday I had two: Boyfriend A and Boyfriend B. A required comments (again in brackets). B needed no assistance from me. Enjoy!

Potential Boyfriend A:
I love to laugh and have fun.[so far so good!] I am a flirt and never meet a stranger but once I am committed I am very loyal.[and he lost me] I am not into games, well too old for that. I am a non-smoker so if that bothers you then lets not waste our time. [yes, yes, that's it! It's not because you are slaughtering the English language or that your posting is not making sense, it deeply disturbs me that you don't smoke. I was going to try and convert you into a smoker, but thanks for letting me know up front I should not waste my time on that] I love to romance and share my emotions, but it won't be because of someone else, it will be because I want to. I like spending time with someone i love and cherish my pet because I like pets. [so are you comparing me to your dog? Because I am not finding this a great way "to romance and share your emotions"] I like the water whether it is the beach or a lake but the beach is preferable because I go there all alone [ you can go to the beach alone but must be attended at a lake?] and the serene environment relaxes me. I like live bands but not too crazy about it and I really love to share my emotions and feelings its not the best to always hide it or you get down with it [like getting jiggy with it? that kind of get down with it?] as well. I am talented and ambitious and also hard working because life has not been fair to me from the start and I am hoping to reshape my life the man I have always loved to be [wow. Good luck to you with that]

Potential Boyfriend B
Headline:
SHE !, dont have to be PERFECT ! WELL! No body is perfect.Just RIGTH !.. BUT !, SHE must love dogs!! Any way! Do U like the black wig?

LOVE to LOVE!!! and LOVE to be LOVED!!!!,,,I consider myself a regular single guy, I work on cars, Diesel trucks, Bio Diesel,,motorbikes,,,,automotive machine shop, custom work, restoration, etc,,...Man and boys !!!,,...WHAT IS The diference???,,,,,,,,,the price and size of them toys!!!!...LOL...I love the ocean, nigth dive ,fishing,,camping, COOK OUT,(with natural firewood),bum fires, hiking, etc,,,LOVE TO EXPLORE THE NATURE!!!,,,,looking for friend first,,...,and time will tell US,,, what to DO!!!... ,,How ever,,In life ,, is A RULE for Sucess,,rule #1 ,,know what U know..and know, what U dont KNOW!!,, learn ,,,what U dont know,,,and, the SOONER!!,,the BETTER!!,,Now,,What i know, that ...LIFE IS TOOoooo SHORT!!!,,and with the global changes ,(economy, climate, etc,),just in CASE!!,,better get ready for the worst !!!. ... IF you agree with my,,,,,LETS TALK STORY!!!!!! Questions??,,,feel free to ask!!!,,,,,,,Sergio Ps..Soon,,I will post more pics!!!!

for fun:
ANYTHING OUT DOORS!,,The ocean !,Sunsets,swiming,Nigth diving,camping,hiking,cooking BBQ,,fly small planes,,cruise around the big rock,by motorcicle or 4x4,restoring a sail boat...and off course!,, play,hike through the nature with the dogies

my job:
C. I. A.!!! K. G. B.!!,,.......Just kidding!!... For real !!.. Automotive machine shop,,, and I. R. S. !!! (import repair specialist) ..now learning about construction,, masonery,carpentry ,remodeling,etc..

my ethnicity:
A big monkey from south America!!..1/2 Russian..1/2 Spanish!!

my education:
9 years at technical institute,,basics for electro mechanic principals,dinamics, internal cobustion engines,machine shop tooling,etc,

favorite hot spots:
For a first date?.A cofee shop,or sunset diner,,,For a MINI Vacation(A few days).camping.fishing.diving,,at the hiden beaches,parks,Waipio valley,etc, Sailing!!!, visit the other islands !! , for a REAL VACATION!.Europe,Egypt and South America

favorite things:
FOOD, BBQ,ice cream,almost anything!Color?Red and blue ,Hobbies?!,auto racing,,and 4x4 off roads..!,Raining outside?Play/dance under the rain! if is cold,next to the fire place.watch a movie,music?jaz.country, classic, mix,all depends on the day

last read:
newspapers..sports and time magazines ,..Now learning about the Mayan calender,,,December 2012 !!?Books on alternative clean energy,......hydroelectric,.solars,wind mills,etc,

Your Match.com profile of the day

So, in order to keep my sanity throughout this dating phase I am on, I have decided to poke fun at the other single souls suffering alongside me and comment on their Match.com postings. I won't use anything like user name or location so hopefully I am "protecting" their identity, but I am hoping this will be enjoyed by many!

Info in brackets are my comments. I have named this posting: Bitter, party of one? Bitter, your table is now available!

I'd like to be married within a few years. [admirable goal, thanks for telling me upfront] I'm not a Donald Trump. [meaning you don't have crazy dead cat hair, or you look/act like him a lot and people get all confused?]
If you're looking for an intelligent conversation I'm here. [um, yeah. So far the cunning linguist, you are not] If you're looking for someone with lots of money to always pick up the tab then Match allows you to search elsewhere for that criteria. [oh, it means you are a cheap b*a*s*t*ard, I get it!]
I'm an Irish-American and that's a big part of my life. Many of my interests center on that fact. You don't need to be Irish or interested in Ireland but you should know that bit about me! [think he does the River Dance? Or decorates his apartment with creepy leprechauns?]

I think exercising and staying healthy are key ingredients to a happy life. [that's weird, you sound bitter and angry, not happy] I believe a husband and wife stay healthy for each other so they can be around for a long time. [wow, it's only been about five minutes and I am ready to stop running, grab some Ben and Jerry's and head for death just to get away from your profile and experience joy again] It's not simply a matter of staying thin. A thin person can be unhealthy and someone with a few extra pounds can be in great shape. It's important to have some goals in common.[are you sure you don't mean activities or interests?] I love seeing couples jogging together in the morning or doing other things together.[yep, dumb a*s*s meant activities or interests] Together time shouldn't only be "going out" to stare at a movie screen but also food shopping, cooking, cleaning, and excercise. [think he knows he can't spell exercise?] [perfect! I am so excited to spend time with you this weekend washing the windows! Maybe we can go to BJ's and hit "feeding time"! Oh, wait, no, that would make me fat and you would hate me. Wow, this is tough] Together time can include everything. [great, clingy boy, can't wait!]
That's not to say that we shouldn't also be individuals with our own friends! [phew! I am going to need to take a break and have fun after all those wild and crazy "goals" we share!]

Deal Breakers:
smoking
obesity
Damsells in distress
"Walking trauma victims" [why's he gotta hate on when I need to go the ER?]
Psych problems so severe that they require medication [meaning I have a prescription and take it so I can act and function like a human, or would you rather I go undiagnosed and just kill myself after hanging with you because you are so bitter?]

While pseudo-friendship can be an important start to a relationship it can also abort it. It's easy to get stuck in the friend zone and the relationship can never get out of it (fantasy TV shows to the contrary). [what in the heck TV shows does this guy watch? I think he needs to get off the couch] There are many good websites devoted to helping people find platonic friends. [uh, oh. Someone's been burned!]
I don't like dating games or "the rules". There are many smooth operators out there and I am not one of them.[really? I am so swept off my feet right now by your optimism and zest for life, I thought you were Sade] If someone tells me something I tend to believe them. [OK, how about this--you need therapy. Seriously. Go get it]

I admire women who are willing to stand on their own two feet. [oh, darn, we won't be a good match. I like to spend most of my time on my back] It's nice to find someone who chooses to be with me because she wants to be and not because she needs "someone". [I actually would question this woman. I think she is with him because she hates herself, but whatever] We're not placeholders until something better comes along. [well, actually, you are]
I should probably state now that I'm a big believer in equality between the sexes. My older brothers grew up changing my diapers, cleaning, and sewing. Mom mowed the lawn and painted the house. I don't see women as wilting flowers. [but rather as work mules who must prove their worth attaining my goals of you painting the house]
Have a good day! [and ends on a happy note. Go figure]

Stay tuned for a new idea!

So not sure yet if it is going to be a You Tube video or part of the blog, but I feel the need to share with you all the crap profiles I have to wade through in my search for Mr. Right on Match.com. I mean, seriously? You have got to read some of these. Oh so frightening. Non-sensical. And scary.

Stay tuned, more to follow.

This is probably a bad idea . . .

especially after my last post, but every Friday, M&M/Mars is giving away free candy bars to the first 250,000 people that go to www.realchocolate.com and register. They send you a coupon in like 6 weeks. It goes every Friday until the end of September. Go get your chocolate fix, peeps!

I love me a good freebie! Even if it can be diet toxic. Hmm, maybe I should rethink this.

Overwhelmed and Inspired

So I just read a blog that I have been following on the sly (cyber stalking would be a good term) and a woman who I relate with a LOT has revealed that she has gained back a lot of the weight she took off. And my heart bleeds for her. Because I have done that. I have been there. I could be there any second. I am heading there right now.

When you are a larger person, it takes a lot to lose weight. And it takes even more to keep it off. And if you give up the diligence, the tracking, the paying attention, the staying aware for a split second, you lose focus and you fall off the rope. And it is so. hard. to. get. back. on.

I am off the rope. But I am going to get back on.

I have a relay race this weekend. It is scaring the living crap out of me. So I have been shutting down, getting stressed, and eating. I commit to stopping that. I commit to getting out of here in the next 30 minutes and going to the gym. I commit to changing my life, filling my needs and not my stomach, and changing my life. I commit to looking and feeling good. And I commit to me. I am worth it. I can do it. I want to do it.

It's just that sometimes its so much. It's exhausting.

but that's OK. I can do it. I want to do it. I will do it.

Here's to you, Morgan. You are beautiful. Thank you for the reminder.