Stay tuned for a new idea!

So not sure yet if it is going to be a You Tube video or part of the blog, but I feel the need to share with you all the crap profiles I have to wade through in my search for Mr. Right on Match.com. I mean, seriously? You have got to read some of these. Oh so frightening. Non-sensical. And scary.

Stay tuned, more to follow.

This is probably a bad idea . . .

especially after my last post, but every Friday, M&M/Mars is giving away free candy bars to the first 250,000 people that go to www.realchocolate.com and register. They send you a coupon in like 6 weeks. It goes every Friday until the end of September. Go get your chocolate fix, peeps!

I love me a good freebie! Even if it can be diet toxic. Hmm, maybe I should rethink this.

Overwhelmed and Inspired

So I just read a blog that I have been following on the sly (cyber stalking would be a good term) and a woman who I relate with a LOT has revealed that she has gained back a lot of the weight she took off. And my heart bleeds for her. Because I have done that. I have been there. I could be there any second. I am heading there right now.

When you are a larger person, it takes a lot to lose weight. And it takes even more to keep it off. And if you give up the diligence, the tracking, the paying attention, the staying aware for a split second, you lose focus and you fall off the rope. And it is so. hard. to. get. back. on.

I am off the rope. But I am going to get back on.

I have a relay race this weekend. It is scaring the living crap out of me. So I have been shutting down, getting stressed, and eating. I commit to stopping that. I commit to getting out of here in the next 30 minutes and going to the gym. I commit to changing my life, filling my needs and not my stomach, and changing my life. I commit to looking and feeling good. And I commit to me. I am worth it. I can do it. I want to do it.

It's just that sometimes its so much. It's exhausting.

but that's OK. I can do it. I want to do it. I will do it.

Here's to you, Morgan. You are beautiful. Thank you for the reminder.

Why's it gotta be so hard?

So not sure what happened in the past few days, but I have been HUNGRY. I mean, HUNGRY. I just want to eat and eat and eat! I have controlled it for the most part, but definitely had three too many snacks, and I just had an ice cream melt down. So I know I haven't been exercising a lot, so this hunger is emotional. And it's nice to recognize that, and I even know the burning question that is causing it--and it will continue throughout this weekend. Now I just need to figure out the steps to work around it. Not sure why I have to make this so hard. You know, I just have to decide the direction of my life for the next twenty years or so. That's all. No big whoop.

Sigh. I love/hate long term commitments.

So maybe I got this wrong

So here I am thinking that maybe I got this whole thing wrong. What exactly is love anyhow? What is the fairy tale? Is there a fairy tale? Or is it just stupid nonsense? I want the true love, the connection that you make with a perfect stranger who is hot and rocks your world, and then you talk to and meet and they are everything you ever wanted. But everytime I find someone I fall off the cliff for, they turn out to be crazy. I mean, genuinely psycho. Something is really wrong with them. So I am considering changing my outlook. Maybe I find a nice guy. See if we have a lot in common, a bunch to teach other, if we share interests, if we mesh. And if we do, maybe cultivate it. Work to find the positives, the common ground, the respect and love, the joy, the happiness, the love and support. And maybe when that all happens, we have a wonderful, beautiful mutual relationship built on love respect and trust. And maybe it will be way different than that fairy tale, but so much better. And so much longer. And then 30 years from now, when the kids are out of college or settled into whatever life they have chosen for themselves, we head out to hike and snowboard and continue to enjoy each other, our adventures, our ideas, our love. And it is amazing and wonderful.

Or I just have another glass of wine, fine Joel McHale and convince him I the woman of his dreams.

Something like that.

Sigh. I guess I will keep on chugging along.

So exactly what is this blog anyway?

I was having a hard time recognizing and classifying and what I was going to do with this blog. And I just decided. This is going to be a snapshot blog--one of my life, my running (or the exercise du jour) and my weight journey. Right now it's my "weight loss" journey, but I know it will eventually become my "weight maintenance" journey.

Right now, the journey is going well. Really well. It's been over a year since I started making a conscious effort to lose weight, and about 10 months since I started losing. I did some crazy hours of exercise in the fall, and dropped off a cliff in mid-January. Yet I have maintained during that time through conscious effort and watching my diet. And I am back on the downward streak (although only for about a week now, if I am to be completely honest). But I am back on track for loss and I am proud of that. I have big plans for the next few months, but I am fine taking it a little bit slow. I am going to lose another 20 pounds. I am going to keep searching for, and hope to find, the man of my dreams. And I am going to practice writing again, because I love and miss it. So this blog will help me with all that.

OK, now that I have declared my intentions for the blog, let me talk working out. I have been running again, back up to about 3 days a week. This week I am going for five. Some runs are easy, some are hard. My running class is tonight, and I am going to talk to them about my options--I just don't know if this is the right class for me. I am going to a SUPER early running group tomorrow, to check it out. And I am going to run on Thursday after my work out. Saturday I may meet the running group again for my long run, which could be great. And, BAM!, I am up to five days (I already ran about 4 miles yesterday)!

I have been doing a great job eating healthy, but like I have said (to myself) in the past, when I am ready, it is easy. And it's easy right now. So that's exciting. I have been preparing my food, getting lots of fruits and veggies, and keeping my dishes clean--all good signs! I have a goal of losing 2 pounds at my weigh in on Friday, which means I will have hit my 10% with Weight Watchers--finally! I will keep you posted.

And I am going on dates and rediscovering what works, and doesn't work, for me in a relationship. And I still have a lot to learn, but it's fun and I am enjoying myself. I refuse to allow myself to put any pressure on the situation, and trusting the process, relaxing, and enjoying this exploration.

So there we go. I will get more specific in coming days, because I want to write 3-4 times a week here. That should give me plenty of time to update and report, as well as fill in the holes!

A little financial humor for a Friday

Investment Banking Explained

Young Chuck moved to Texas and bought a donkey from a farmer for $100.

The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day.

The next day the farmer drove up and said, 'Sorry Chuck, but I have some bad news, the donkey died.'

Chuck replied, 'Well, then just give me my money back.'

The farmer said, 'Can't do that. I went and spent it already.'

Chuck said, 'OK, then, just bring me the dead donkey.'

The farmer asked, 'What ya gonna do with a dead donkey?

Chuck said, 'I'm going to raffle him off.'

The farmer said 'You can't raffle off a dead donkey!'

Chuck said, 'Sure I can. Watch me. I just won't tell anybody he's dead.'

A month later, the farmer met up with Chuck and asked, 'What happened with that dead donkey?'

Chuck said, 'I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at two dollars apiece and made a profit of $898.00.'

The farmer said, 'Didn't anyone complain?'

Chuck said, 'Just the guy who won. So I gave him his two dollars back.'

Chuck went on to work for Morgan Stanley.